Enough

After being on the mission field in the Czech Republic for 18 months, with only 9 to go, I'm looking ahead to what will be after I return to the States. I'm fairly settled (like 95% sure) that I'm going to go back home, and I've got these dreams floating around in my head. All of them involve abandoning my previous pursuit of science altogether to become a worker for the Church and for Christ. This is not me denying secular vocations the Christian, but rather being convinced that the desires of my heart and my passions are changing (have changed) from the pursuit of a secular vocation to a sacred one.

And I'm worrying, doubting myself, and asking all kinds of questions:

Will I be enough to get accepted into this or that program?
Will I impress the powers that be enough to get in?
Will I be good enough at it?
Will I be faithful enough?
Will I learn enough?
Will I work hard enough?
Will I be able to sacrifice myself enough for the service of others?
Will I be willing enough or strong enough to pursue this to the end?
Will I be "holy" enough to get a position after I've been trained?

I'm nothing. I'm not some kind of evangelism genius (if you'd met me, you'd know...). I'm not a particularly effective missionary. I'm not an inspiring teacher. I'm not great at caring for people. I'm more likely to be concerned about myself: my comfort, my reputation, my wants, my needs, my happiness, my, my, my, me, me, me. Ugh.

All of that is my sinful, old nature which I must daily drown in the waters of my baptism. I know this. Service which is pleasing to Christ is not done by the most genius evangelists, the most effective missionaries, the most inspiring teachers, the most caring people. The service rendered to Christ is done by one who can self-identify as a "chief of sinners" who recognizes that, though he or she is not enough, Christ is.

How can we possibly fail at service to Christ if we throw ourselves after Him with all that we as His redeemed people are, delighting to know that though all our deeds are like filthy rags, through His redemption, they are clean and white like snow.

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
(2 Cor. 12:9-10)

May you and I be able to rest in our Lord, acknowledging, and boasting in our weaknesses as the Apostle Paul did, knowing that His power is made complete in them. We are not enough. We never will be. But He is enough, He always has been. And He is able to keep us faithful to the end.